Did I fall asleep and awake in a strange parallel universe? When I went to bed all was fine but when I woke up I discovered we’ve got internet browsers in fridges, online washing machines, robotic dogs on skateboards, mobile phones that take pointless pictures, Satellite TV that plays crap eighties games and MP3 players in almost everything.

I think they call it convergence. Don’t get me wrong I’m all for invention and people around me refer to me as the gadget king but I have to ask … are things going too far?

I have a watch, it tells me the time. I’m happy with that … really I am. It uses static electricity from my body to keep itself going and it doesnt need rebooting every five minutes.

Want to buy a mobile phone? Oh, do you want music? The ability to take pictures? Web browsing? Email? Diary or To Do lists? Listen, I want a phone, I want to call people and have conversations. The shop assistant looks at me strange, but it is colour and polyphonic they assure me. I give up.

What I really want is a fridge that doesnt frost up at every opportunity, a washing machine thats quiet and doesnt mambo across the kitchen floor during the spin cycle, a portable MP3 player with retractable headphones so I dont have to spend twenty minutes untangling the wire, and a mobile phone that isn’t flat everytime I want to use it.