The alarm goes off at six thirty. My partner insists on putting the bedroom clock twenty minutes fast so that we wont be out of bed late. Does it work? In a word … no. Instead I wake up slowly and become master mathematician every morning calculating the real time. I get in my car, its an hour out because I cant be bothered to do the one hour forward, one hour backward dance. I put the radio on, surely they know. Nope, another time altogether. I get to work and clock in, the clock machines a different time to my watch,. which incidentally is five minutes fast so I’m not late for appointments, I also have a PDA with a diary but I dont rely on it for the time because its flat whenever I reach for it. I get to my desk and my phone has a clock on it, oh its 3 minutes slow. I log into my computer, the clock keeps losing time but resyncs when the computer starts up, but whats this - its seven minutes out. I look up at the office clock, its one of those radio controlled rugby clocks but some clever designer put the transmitter on the back of the clock so it can never get a good signal. I grab a coffee and sit back in my chair, comfortable in the knowledge that its somewhere between seven and eleven in the morning.